Funny statements in Courts...

ATTORNEY: What gear were
you in at the moment of the impact?

 

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

 

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ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

 

WITNESS: Yes.

 

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

 

WITNESS: I forget.

 

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you

forgot?

 

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ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that

morning?

 

WITNESS: He s aid, "Where am I, Cathy?"

 

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

 

WITNESS: My name is Susan!

 

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ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in
voodoo?

 

WITNESS: We both do.

 

ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

 

WITNESS: We do.

 

ATTORNEY: You do?

 

WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

 

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ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?

 

WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.

 

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ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

 

WITNESS: You're kidding me, right!?

 

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ATTORNEY: She had three children, is that correct?

 

WITNESS: Yes.

 

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

 

WITNESS: None.

 

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

 

WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me? Your Honor, I think I need a different

attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

 

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ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?


 

WITNESS: By death.

 

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?


 

WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?

 

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ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

 

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

 

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

 

WITNESS: Guess.

 

______________________________________

 

 

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition

notice, which I sent to your attorney?

 

WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

 

______________________________________

 

 

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on
dead

people?

 

WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you
like

to rephrase that?

 

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ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

 

WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?

 

______________________________________

 

 

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go

to?

 

WITNESS: Oral.

 

______________________________________

 

 

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

 

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

 

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

 

WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an

autopsy on him!

 

______________________________________

 

 

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his

sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

 

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

 

______________________________________

 

 

 

--- And the best for last: ---

 

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check
for a

pulse?

 

WITNESS: No.

 

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

 

WITNESS: No.

 

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

 

WITNESS: No.

 

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you

began the autopsy?

 

WITNESS: No.

 

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

 

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

 

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,

nevertheless?

 

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and

practicing law.